Today I spoke in Church. I'm not sure how I pulled it off, considering I'm probably one of the worst sinners in the ward, but for some reason, I usually do just great. Public speaking isn't a problem for me...it's the hypocritical ideas I stand up there and preach that get me. Anyway, here it is:
I must start by apologizing to brother Stewart, who called me late last Sunday night (from his untraceable cell phone, mind you) to give me the opportunity to speak in church. To his question, I replied "Oh, I hate you! Why did I pick up the phone??" I assure brother Stewart that I don't hate him but that he was simply the bearer of bad news and he couldn't have chosen a worse week to deliver it! He informed me that my topic would be about achieving balance in life through Gospel teachings. He even had the nerve to say that he thought it looked like I had achieved some balance in my life. Right then, I knew that he was not inspired, nor was his thought to invite me to speak about this topic inspired.
So, having such a "balanced life," as I left work at 1:30 AM Wednesday morning, I complained to my co-workers about the dreaded assignment to speak in church, and I told them how I certainly wasn't qualified to speak on "balance in life." One co-worker told me about his life-long research project of noting who was listening during sacrament. He said, "After years of studies, I've come to the conclusion that about 2%, (typically the ward freaks) listen intently during the whole talk, 3-6% listen because they are too bored to even sleep and the other 92% are in another world." So, I figure I don't have to worry about impressing anyone today since I don't think there are any freaks in our ward. :)
I started researching my topic on the LDS.org site by typing in "balance in life": 1676 hits. Just for kicks, I thought I'd see how many hits I got on the topic "sleeping in church" : 2189. :)
With the internet as a tool, it's possible to research a topic so much that you can become so full of facts and quotes that you don't have time or energy left to analyze them and make sense of them enough to write the talk. It's the same way with balancing your life. Sometimes you fill your life so full of activities that you don't have the time or energy to analyze whether those activities make sense or lead to who you really want to become. I have always been a lover of variety. Not only do I like to do many different things, but I like to do all of them WELL, and most of the time, I attempt to do more than one of them at a time!
Richard G. Scott, “First Things First,” Liahona, Jul 2001, 6–9 Are there so many fascinating, exciting things to do or so many challenges pressing down upon you that it is hard to keep focused on that which is essential? When things of the world crowd in, all too often the wrong things take highest priority. Then it is easy to forget the fundamental purpose of life. Satan has a powerful tool to use against good people. It is distraction. He would have good people fill life with “good things” so there is no room for the essential ones. Have you unconsciously been caught in that trap?
For the past few weeks, the concept of "being deliberate" has been on my mind a lot. Being deliberate means to very carefully weigh or consider any decision or action. I think the reason I've been thinking about that was to help prepare me to give this talk. In a recent one-on-one interview with my boss at work, I brought up the fact that dreaded rumors of layoffs were circulating again and inquired if the layoff were to happen if she thought I'd be one of those let go. Most of you know I work at Novell, and layoffs there are a lot more prevalent than we'd like them to be. In answering my question, she discussed a type of employee she calls "a victim," who are always the first to be let go. These employees just simply "get through" each task, doing only what MUST be done, not excelling, but just biding their time until the next product is complete or the next team milestone is reached. They blame failures on upper management, on bad processes, poor planning, and lack of training. Rather than seizing opportunities for personal growth and being proactive in one's own career development, "victim" employees wait for things to happen to them.
How many times, in our daily activities, do we find ourselves being a "victim," just waiting for the activity to be over so you can get on to the next one? That 2% of you who is listening is probably thinking "yes, right now I'm waiting for this sacrament meeting to get over!" But, while we're here in sacrament, or while we're doing anything, shouldn't we try to use that precious time to develop our spirits, bodies, minds, or your relationships with family? Being "deliberate" about what activities we choose and being "deliberate" about using those activities to grow temporally and spiritually can make the difference between being a 'victim' in this world or being someone gets things done, who enjoys life, and who feels a sense of accomplishment, peace, and balance.
How can we be more deliberate in choosing what things we do?
1. Establish our priorities
Dallin H Oaks "Focus and Priorities" has said.... Jesus taught about priorities when He said, “Seek not the things of this world but seek ye first to build up the kingdom of God, and to establish his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you” (JST, Matt. 6:38, in Matt. 6:33, footnote a). “Seek … first to build up the kingdom of God” means to assign first priority to God and to His work. The work of God is to bring to pass the eternal life of His children (see Moses 1:39), and all that this entails in the birth, nurturing, teaching, and sealing of our Heavenly Father’s children. Everything else is lower in priority. Think about that reality as we consider some teachings and some examples on priorities. As someone has said, if we do not choose the kingdom of God first, it will make little difference in the long run what we have chosen instead of it.
Example: Employ Dalin H Oaks' "Good Better Best" talk in your life. Great talk. Everyone should read it. Here are a couple of examples from his talk:
In choosing how we spend time as a family, we should be careful not to exhaust our available time on things that are merely good and leave little time for that which is better or best. A friend took his young family on a series of summer vacation trips, including visits to memorable historic sites. At the end of the summer he asked his teenage son which of these good summer activities he enjoyed most. The father learned from the reply, and so did those he told of it. “The thing I liked best this summer,” the boy replied, “was the night you and I laid on the lawn and looked at the stars and talked.” Super family activities may be good for children, but they are not always better than one-on-one time with a loving parent.
To our hundreds of thousands of home teachers and visiting teachers, I suggest that it is good to visit our assigned families; it is better to have a brief visit in which we teach doctrine and principle; and it is best of all to make a difference in the lives of some of those we visit. That same challenge applies to the many meetings we hold—good to hold a meeting, better to teach a principle, but best to actually improve lives as a result of the meeting.
2. Make plans, both short term and long term. "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail." Don't just wait for opportunities to come up, or for someone else to invite you to do something.
Example: If you feel like your family has lost some unity, consciously decide to do something of quality together. Plan a designated starting time and stopping time. Make sure every family member attends. Example: Start building long-term traditions that are built on a schedule. Something you do once a year, once a month, etc.
3. Use the "death bed" method. If an activity is something you won't look back fondly upon when your life is nearly over, maybe you should choose something else.
Whenever I have a moment of reflection when I'm watching one of my daughters sleep or seeing one of them excel at something for the first time, I get a short glimpse of things that are most important in life. I wish I could make time slow down so I could enjoy them more, teach them more, be a better example to them. These are the moments when we are in the right state of mind to make decisions about how we will spend our time wisely.
How can we be more deliberate in making the most of each activity?
1. Be conscious of "coasting." Like the "victim" analogy I talked about earlier, don't let yourself just coast through the things you do each day. Be proactive. Be constantly evaluating whether you could make these next 10 minutes of your life more productive and meaningful.
Example: If you're waiting on someone at work, don't just veg out and surf the web. Read a book that advances your career, or read the scriptures.
Example: If you're spending time with your kids, teach them about things while you play. Tell them gospel stories, explain how trees grow.
2. Listen to promptings of the Spirit no matter what you're doing. Sometimes the most insignificant feeling can be a prompting that, only if acted upon, can change an experience dramatically for the better.
Story (time permitting) A counselor in a bishopric at one of my BYU wards, shared this story with us. He was BYU policeman and was out patrolling. He saw a car parked in a dark place. It wasn't illegally parked, so there was really no reason for him to stop and check things out. But, he felt a tiny feeling that he should go check out the car and he almost avoided it. He said he would be forever grateful that he followed that small prompting, because as he approached the car, he could see a girl inside who was holding a loaded gun. She was about to kill herself. Through his being there and his caring what happened to her, he talked her out of committing suicide that night.
3. Find time to relax and to exercise.
How many of you remember Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs? I remember studying about that in a basic psychology class in high school. The hierarchy of needs is a pyramid whose foundation lies in supplying the physical needs of the body, such as food, water, air. I would add rest and exercise to those basic physiological needs. If these basic needs are neglected, your brain will go into self-preservation mode, and you will become incapable of attending to needs further up on the pyramid such as family relationships and spirituality. On the other hand, if we take time to give our body what it needs, all our activities will be enriched.
Lastly, being deliberate in everything we do is a great goal. Life is busy, it's confusing sometimes, and sometimes we just don't quite live up to the goals we've set for ourselves. We need to understand that we're not perfect and not get so frustrated with ourselves that we give up. I find myself in this vicious cycle all the time.
Brent L. Top, “A Balanced Life,” Liahona, Apr 2005, 40
One of the barriers to spiritual balance is “pseudo-self-reliance.” Robert L. Millet identified the danger of relying too much on our own limited abilities. He said that some Church members who are blocked in their progress and weighed down with guilt “seek to double their effort—to work harder. If the present pace does not eradicate the problem, they decide to run faster. Too often what follows is a type of spiritual diminishing returns—exhaustion and additional frustration. The answer to all problems is not necessarily more and harder work, particularly in regard to spiritual matters. The answer is often to learn our limits and do what we can, then turn to the Lord for assistance.”
I truly mean it when I say I'm grateful for the opportunity to speak today. I do need balance in my life and I know now that Brother Stewart was indeed inspired to have me speak on this topic. In closing, I'll share one of Erik's funny family stories. Erik and his brother and sister all attended the same easy astronomy class while at UVSC. His sister, Lori, was talking about it one night at a family gathering and she said "That class was so easy you'd have to be an idiot not to get an A," to which Erik replied, "What grade did you get, Lori?" "B-" was her reply. :) You really would have to be an idiot not to realize that the teachings of the gospel contain thousands of ways to help us live a happier, balanced, more peaceful life. They key is, we need to study these teachings and actually employ them in our lives in order to reap the benefits of them. I have a testimony that the teachings of the gospel do provide a way for us to find balance and peace in our lives. I'm thankful for my family and all my extended family, for the gospel in my life, and, again, for the opportunity to speak to you today.
